Ben, who moved to Los Feliz from Richardson, Texas nine years ago, was awarded his third SAG voucher today for his work in an as-yet-untitled USC thesis film.

"I'm sure there will be a great deal of debate tonight about who deserved what SAG awards," said Ben, "so I hope everyone will remember who it was that stood in a USC dumpster in the pouring rain. I'm an artist: a thespian, a craftsman. It's not like I took a shortcut to this award like my roommate Ron did by doing extra work for Central Casting. I don't want to cheapen this night with interpersonal squabbles, but I do admit I was jealous when my friend Jessica won the Taft-Hartley award a year ago. In retrospect, I do think it speaks to her talent, and not because she slept with the producer, which is what I told everyone last year."

Today, the predominantly white male committee announced their selections for the past year's most talented predominantly white male entertainers. The list includes a terrific list of predominantly white males, including gifted and predominantly white male writers, visionary and predominantly white male directors and recognition of powerful dramatic performances given by predominantly white male actors.

Also among the selections were a number of twentysomething Asian and Latina women, many of whom are considered extremely sexy to look at by members of the predominantly white male committee. The list also includes a surprising number of white female fashion-models-turned-movie-stars who have had just enough cosmetic surgery to look vaguely Asian.

Many of those predominantly white male entertainment professionals were on hand today to accept heartfelt congratulations from their ethnically diverse co-workers and predominantly non-white household staff, many of whom hope that a major success for their predominantly white male boss will have a spillover effect on their own careers.

One notable predominantly white male auteur, Jim, expressed a heartfelt thanks to his team of Korean animators, many of whom were unable to attend today's announcement (they're hard at work in Korea on Jim's next project) and whose names are especially difficult to say aloud or even recognize during the end title crawl.

But in Hollywood, even the disappointment of not being nominated by a predominantly white male committee is short lived: the East Indian thespian who played East Indian Taxi Driver in TRON Legacy reports that his career is now in overdrive. Being featured in a major motion picture with one predominately white male actor who played two lead roles (protagonist and antagonist) has resulted in major recognition! He wowed audiences by his hilarious portrayal of East Indian Taxi Driver, and the East Indian actor now reports he's attached to a variety of studio film projects starring predominantly white male actors, including roles as East Indian Convenience Store Clerk, East Indian Terrorist Cell Member, and East Indian Bollywood Type Guy.

East Indian thespian is repped by Aaron Alexander at King Talent.