NEW YORK, NY - Legendary director Sidney Lumet disappointed Fred, a prominent packaging agent, by failing to keep his promise to finish reading the script before passing away Saturday.

"The question I keep asking myself: Is he still attached to direct the film or not?", said Fred, "I don't think I need to remind everyone just how difficult it is to get a two-time Academy Award ® winning film director interested in a project from a television writer. The producer, the writer and myself will be looking to probate for some answers. I can tell you right now: if Mr. Lumet is not 100% committed to this project, a rumor is circulating that Clint Eastwood sparked to the material. I wouldn't know, because I haven't talked to him directly. Because clearly that would be inappropriate given the circumstances."

Trent, an independent Ouija-board operator, reports that Mr. Lumet is "enjoying life in Gan Eden", but that "It's no New York, I tell you. I mean, have you even tried the coffee?"