HOLLYWOOD, CA - Charlie Sheen's personal troubles are nothing if not a Nielsen's ratings magnet. This week the beleagured star received multiple offers of $2M per televised rant from a variety of scripted episodics not produced by Chuck Lorre.

"All we want Charlie to do is stumble onto the set, do a tequila shot, and lick salt from the left pectoral muscle of Frankie Shaw," said Eric Falconer, exec prod. of Blue Mountain State, "I think it's safe to say that's well-within Charlie's wheelhouse." Falconer then high-fived this reporter and quickly added "Yo Charlie, we've totally got your back, bro'."

Hellcats exec prod. Kevin Murphy expressed similar sentiments, "We'd love to have Charlie up here in Vancouver - to do a cameo, to get away from it all or to just avoid an awkward arrest warrant. Our pledge is to surround Sheen with busty young women in their early 20s. In short, to create a safe and comfortable environment for him to work in. If that's too familiar, we'd love to have him in a hand to hand knife duel with the Cylon prototype on Caprica."

Sheen is currently repped by Mark Burg at Evolution Entertainment.