HOLLYWOOD, CA - A division of VIACOM tasked with creating edgy, viral clips for the company's web site is having trouble keeping up with Kansas City resident Bob McPatrick and his Siamese cat, Sparkles.

This morning McPatrick updated his blog, retweeted a diverse selection of celebrity twitters and had time to cook his wife pancakes before uploading the first episode of his latest YouTube series starring nine year old Sparkles, all while VIACOM employees were stuck in traffic on the 10 between Bundy and Cloverfield.

Not only is YouTube channel SparklesCatz more popular than the B-list-starrer webisodes produced by the VIACOM division, Bob is writing and producing for Sparkles each day before he rides his recumbent bicycle three miles to the General Mills warehouse where he works full time as a shipping clerk.

VIACOM employees worry that Bob will soon accumulate enough Best Buy Reward Zone points to get that second HD camcorder he's been writing about on his blog. "And if he figures out how to use a greenscreen, we're f*cked," said one VIACOM P.A. who asked to remain anonymous, "Last year, when Bob upgraded to iMovie 09, management cut our budget in half and made those of us who didn't get laid off go into the Genius Bar for training."

Sources close to Bob say he is worried about the toll a celebrity lifestyle will take on Sparkles. The cat has been admitted twice this month to the Noah's Arc Animal Clinic to treat respiratory problems stemming from hater comments posted to her YouTube.

Sparkles is repped by local Kansas City firm Van Osol, Magruder, Erickson, Bay.

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA - Josh, who many customers from the Coffee Bean at 8793 Beverly Blvd know simply as "joshin' Josh", recently completed his first pilot script using the demo version of Final Draft. Sources close to the writer report that Josh "just knows his new TV show will be much better than the crap that Hollywood is currently passing off as entertainment."

According to his girlfriend, Tanya, Josh's pilot script is totally awesome!!! Tanya added that she "totally believes" in Josh, and that he's "really talented". The two met at Coffee Bean when they were forced <3 to close the store together one fateful night in December of '09.

The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences this week announced the creation of new Emmy awards categories for reality television, including a Heisman Emmy for most valuable player in a Big Brother household.

An anonymous tipster reports that youtube sensation The Annoying Orange is especially annoying to UT8 New Media agent Jason Niggle. With 150 million views, and no signs of slowing, The Annoying Orange is best described as the hobby of a guy who bought a webcam at Best Buy to go with the laptop his mom got him for graduation.

"I had a web series greenlight at Warner," said Niggle, "We pitched lonelygirl15 plus 8. We had a name attached and the series was set to start shooting in October with a SAG New Media contract that promised our clients a fat bonus if the YouTube channel views reached a million. Then along comes the Annoying Orange and now nobody wants to hear about lonelygirl23."

Endemol today announced they would be partnering with Glaxo-Welcome to produce a new line of designer drugs aimed at consumers.

"Many have suggested that the name Endemol would be appropriate for a rectal suppository, but we beg to differ," said Endemol chairman David Goldberg, " And as the popular saying suggests 'television is the opiate of the masses', so we decided to create a product that literally embodies that expression. Our new Endemol ® Anti-Depressant (derived from Sertraline hydrochloride) is an antidepressant of the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) class. Initial studies show that this product dramatically increases the enjoyment level of television viewers."

The new Endemol drug will initially be available only as part of a therapist-prescribed treatment. Samples of the new product are being distributed to consumers along with their Nielsen's welcome kit. Taking Endemol in its current form requires a hypodermic syringe and medical tubing (similar to heroin), but an easy-to-swallow caplet is on the way.